The Elephant in the Room: When are you getting married?

An elephant and a dog became pregnant at the same time. Three months down the line the dog gave birth to six puppies. Six months later the dog was pregnant again, and nine months on it gave birth to another dozen puppies. The pattern continued. On the eighteenth month the dog approached the elephant questioning, "Are you sure that you are pregnant? We became pregnant on the same date, I have given birth three times to a dozen puppies and they are now grown to become big dogs, yet you are still pregnant. What’s going on?”.

The elephant replied, "There is something I want you to understand. What I am carrying is not a puppy but an elephant. I only give birth to one in two years. When my baby hits the ground, the earth feels it. When my baby crosses the road, human beings stop and watch in admiration, what I carry draws attention. So what I’m carrying is mighty and great.”

Such a great little story with such powerful insight...

At twenty-eight years of age, I’m often burdened and involuntarily framed to answer society’s most famous and equally ignorant question: When are you getting married? People somehow think it’s normal; obligatory even, to pose of others questions for the sole purpose of satisfying their own curiosity, and will even go as far as demanding an answer that is “ suitable” by their standard! The uncomfortable truth is that most people, average people, people who create routines and become inflexible, the ones who are married to repetition and become captive of their own limitations; the ones who buy into the lie that the ordinary is the best they will ever do, are the dogs in this story. iF IM hAVinG 6 PuPpiES EvEry 3 mONtHS yOU sHOulD bE toO” headass

I’ve lost count and interest of the many times people have attempted to cloak me with their blanket statements about when a young lady should marry, the way she ought to carry herself, how she should dress, when she should speak, etc, and almost always, it is related to “finding a man,” BUT if you know like I know, it is the man who findeth a wife who findeth the GOOD thing AND obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22) so guess who ain’t going back and forth with you ninjas? You guessed it!

The time for me to wed was carved out by the MASTER of ceremonies even before the foundations of the earth; in other words, pressuring me about “when” will not cause the day to speed up or slow down. If God is the author of time, then I, in all my infinite wisdom, human capabilities, and insight, could not arrive early or late. The dogs of the world, similarly to the one in the story, mistakenly presume that delay indicates denial and cause their own angst, but I happen to possess a Ph.D in redirecting people’s personal fears, doubts, and insecurities back on to themselves...cause uh...what you not ganna do is project YOU on to me!

I’m aware that I’m the elephant in the room and it’s precisely my wait is extended. I’m pregnant with purpose! There is a caution sign even in my stride that communicates to onlookers I’m carrying a heavy load, it’s no wonder you’re inquiring. Please don’t confuse my confidence for arrogance or my faith with pride...I just know what I’m giving birth to is uncommon; a great wonder, and will be a spectacle for all to see. When my delivery time comes forth, the world will watch in awe because what I was nurturing in my womb all along isn’t a puppy but an elephant.

While I remain confident in this thing, I can tell you there was a time I started to buy into the lies of what it means to be “marriage material”. At one point or another, some Job-like friends and family members of mine led me to believe that my empty ringer is my doing. If I were less intelligent, less conscious of the gifts I possess, spoke less, achieved less, shined less, less assertive, less vocal, less demanding of the things I deserve, and got less attention, THEN maybe I could find a man who’d be willing to “settle” for me....It is a wonder that no matter how many degrees I hold and what accomplishments I succeed in, to many people I’m a charity case in desperate need of someone; anyone, to pity me into an “I do.”

I am unable to weave into words how much hurt those damaging words have brought to my heart, so much so, I began thinking there had to be something wrong with me. Why couldn’t I find someone to marry me? Maybe I am ‘too much’ of those things they accuse me of! At this rate, I’m ganna die single, my thoughts consumed me. Even more distressing is the fact that I have no shortages of men who chase after me, but all share a common goal. They’re well-informed about what to do with my anatomy, but not my soul. When they look at me, all they see is 178 pounds of thick thighs and round bottom, never actually falling in love with me; my Goliath-sized heart, spirit, and person. Lust consumes them, and if you entertain them long enough, after a short while, you’ll find yourself falling for, settling, and marrying potential, because lust looks a lot like love until it requires action. The man who sees no value in taking your hand up in covenant marriage, who stalls on making an honest woman out of you, offers excuses instead of effort, makes you feel like you’re asking for too much from him, but doesn’t need a second thought to seduce your body is not your man. Ask me how I know...

Since I believe that the Bible is the infallible word of God, it only makes sense for me to measure truth according to its standard. The jewels are stored in Genesis 2:20-23. In verse 20, God makes the executive decision that man should not be alone and that a suitable helper is necessary for his growth. In verse 21/22 he puts Adam to sleep and performs the first recorded surgery, removing his rib to create his ribmate: Eve. Now catch this! In verse 23, Adam arises and sees this new creation he has not yet seen before and exclaims “bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman for she was taken from me.” Isn’t it interesting that no introduction was made or even required for that matter? God did not have to bring Eve before Adam, because when he looked at her, instinctively, he knew that she was a reflection of him. May it be the same for me and all the single ladies (no Beyonce).

If it looks like everyone around you is getting engaged or married, besides you, don’t lose hope! Latch on to faith and CELEBRATE them because now is their season. See to it that you never grow bitter or envious about another person’s triumphs because blessings are tailor-made. Rather, consider that you’re an elephant and what’s on the inside of you is colossal, that’s why it’s taking so much time!

And If the dogs won‘t quit asking, tell them...

“I am a BIG boss bish. I do not come in your size, NO!” -Cardi B.

#happyvalentinesday #womenempoweringwomen #girlboss #delayisnotdenial #yourtimeiscoming #cardib #lilduval #livingmybestlife #spongebob


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